“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” ―William Shakespeare (All's Well That Ends Well)
Love is an universal language, commonly expressed by all beings well-versed in their ability to immerse in their senses and to associate someone or something closely to them. Similar to life, the language is a rather philosophical yet contradicting entity: clear yet ambiguous; reasonable yet unreasonable; simple yet complex; healthy yet toxic; harmonious yet conflicting; uplifting yet draining.
The nature of relationships bonded by love is rather diverse, spanning between one to over two individuals, associated by blood, by friendship, by common preferences, by personality traits, by the laws of attraction, by physical appearances (or simply by fate, if you are as dreamy as I can be). Either by free will or by chance, these relationships will be subconsciously and consciously formed (e.g: we can choose the friends, partners and colleagues we can associate with, but not our parents and siblings).
Everyone inhabits different ideals towards love. To some, love is a rejuvenating experience, where the parties intended are free to do as they wish, but on the basis of mutual benefit, be it mentally or physically. To some, love is a form of commitment, whereby one who is stronger, in terms of mental health, being able to afford material possessions or brawn), will support the other until he or she becomes incapable of practicing what has been agreed.
On the other hand, love can be an uncontrollable, traumatic and draining obstacle that ties us down, hurts us and obstructs us from achieving a certain action or result. It deprives us from feeling certain pleasures, or from reaching any positive aspect of the concept in general, spiraling us into a dark place of loneliness, sadness, shame, resentment, guilt and anger. Eventually, we are compelled to resort to toxic activities in a bid to escape from the moment (e.g self-harm, depression).
Here is a list of issues faced in relationships:
Failure to establish boundaries
Failure to distinguish what's morally right and the wrong
Power struggles
Misunderstanding
Lack of communication
Poor management of emotion (violence, be it verbal, spiritual or physical)
Poor balance between love and another variant (work, studies, etc.)
Differences in personality/characteristics
Differences in ideals
Differences in timezones/geographical locations
So, how can we resolve such issues and potentially save the relationship?
1. Understand The Cause Behind The Problem
Sometimes, people can momentarily forget, or become accustomed over time, to being the more dominant one, or to having the tendency to prioritize their own needs and wants over the rest in the relationship. In some cases, people can have a tendency to behave in a way that can imply that they are not being their most authentic or comfortable selves around the presence of the other party in the relationship, which can be a big turn-off.
Everyone is unique, so everyone has their own reasoning, way of functioning and living their own lives, which can be hard to comprehend from each other's perspectives. As such, when something unexpected and unusual happens, it often throws us off guard, leaving us to question almost everything, including the core foundation that established and kept the relationship alive.
Without much spare time to think, this may lead us to resort to activities that we would perhaps regret, such as chasing too hard, pushing for answers, becoming more overbearing, being cold, being thoughtful, being violent, stalking, etc., all of which will be harbingers signalling the official, fateful close of the relationship.
So, before we simply spiral into any of this without reason, we need to spend some time, effort and space to visualize, to feel, to reflect...and to imagine multiple perspectives and possibilities. Questions can be like: What are the strengths and weaknesses of both parties?What may I possibly do or say that is wrong in their eyes? Are there more reasonable, healthier and more effective solutions? How long do I need to take to do to make up for it?
For additional support, you may consider asking reliable friends, family members or professionals for advice, and to help you distinguish who you truly are and what you can truly do, and whether it is worth salvaging the relationship.
2. Acknowledge The Truth Together
The truth is obtrusive, so to some of us, we can be rather avoidant (harshly put, immature) to digest and to acknowledge it. At the moment, we may firmly believe that we are absolutely right with reason, but it would be statistically, spiritually and realistically impossible, for we are such imperfect creatures, although always in the pursuit of our ideals of perfection for certain concepts.
There are several ways to hear, to see and to know the truth. You may choose to meet up and listen attentively to them, while at the same time, trusting your own intuition or weighing out different feelings and thoughts towards this person, how he or she has been in the past and the present, and perhaps how others have spoken about this person.
It may be hard to stay neutral, logical and calm in their presence, but in time, how you truly feel and what they have expressed would show you on whether he or she has their own legitimate reason to do what they did, and whether it is worthy or not to carry on with the relationship. Do not give in and accept simply because of potential and immediate satisfaction of your needs and wants, for it will eventually turn out worse for you, especially when it's inauthentic, uncomfortable...and potentially stunts your growth.
Another way would be to perform an activity together (on fixed timings/dates). It could be exploring new hobbies that both of you are interested in, or would probably try (try not to encourage activities of your own interest, or something unexpected out of the blue, like skydiving and bungee-jumping, especially if he or she is not fond of the idea) when both of you are available. Some examples could be stargazing, going for concerts/carnivals, taking classes together for eg: yoga or cooking, joining clubs together or movie marathons.
By doing so, you not only have fun and memories together, you might also hold new perceptions for the same person, understand them better and perhaps be more intimate again (your author is a rather imaginative and avid supporter towards the romance genre).
"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." - Audrey Hepburn
Love seems like a long, intensive and complex journey. However, everyone is entitled to their own happiness, so with adequate levels of trust, hope and joy, we will be able to navigate our way through our hearts, minds and souls through life together, and things shall fall in place.
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